Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Living the Romance Writer's Romantic Life? Who, Me?

Friends of mine (and some family members) have this idea of what a romance writer's life is like. We write romance, so of course our lives are full of flowers, fantasy dates and passionate sex. Right?

Umm....

My third wedding anniversary was last month. My husband and I spent the entire night alone... working on our income tax files. Yeah, that's hot.

I think part of the romance writer myth is that every day is about the sexy side of love. That white hot lust that makes us reach for each other.

But the reality is that, at least in my life, every day is about the practical side of love. Being a partner in this life my husband and I have created together. I take care of him by making sure we have healthy meals, clean dishes, and paid bills. He cares for me by making sure the laundry is done so that I'll have clean uniforms for work and making a comfortable home that is beautiful. And he also ensures that our taxes get paid (thanks, baby). We care for each other by ensuring that we can each run after our dreams but have a safe place to come back to when things don't go like we thought. Or celebrate together when they do.

So maybe doing taxes on our anniversary is romantic. Because we're partners in this life, and that means doing the mundane things a lot of times. But at least we're doing them together.

And to me, that's true love.

9 comments:

  1. Syndi, truer words were never spoken. And that's really what love is. It's friendship, and partnership, and one taking up the slack for the other whenever there's a need. We do write about that first heart-pounding, passionate part of love, but what makes our stories endure is that readers can see our heroes and heroines supporting each other through the ups and downs of every-day life over a long and happy life.

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    1. I hope to portray some of that in my books. True, the hot romance stuff is fun to read but there's something lasting about the friendship/partnership in a relationship.

      Thanks, Roz!

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  2. Well said, Syndi! For forty-five years, Ron and I have lived just as you describe - whoever was free to do what had to be done, did it. Ron contributed to household chores before it was cool for a man to do so, and I've loved him for it ever since. And Roz is right on when she says that's what our readers relate to. We're building fantasies, but that doesn't mean kidnapped-by-a-desert-warrior fantasy. I think it means a hero and heroine making as perfect a world as possible out of their everyday lives. And one thought on celebrating - I once worked for a woman who celebrated failures rather than victories because she thought you don't need to celebrate when you've won, but you can use the cheering up when you haven't. Interesting, huh? Good thoughts, Syndi.

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    1. OOOOh,I like the celebrating the failures thought. Might have to use that.

      I think my marriage works because we view it as a friendship above all else. My ideas of love and marriage definitely changed, matured after I met Jim.

      Good to hear you found a good one, Muriel!

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  3. I burst out laughing when you mentioned your "hot" night doing taxes with your husband (congratulations on three years by the way!). Greg (my better half) and I could never work on money/taxes with him, just like he can't handle back to school shopping with me... we each know what we can deal with and respect each other for it. Like so many marriages that have endured their share of life's twists and turns, we've only grown closer through the years. I wouldn't trade my marriage or the love we share for anything... and sure there are more practical days than hearts and roses... but it's those quiet moments of everyday life that I treasure so because I get to spend them with him. Harlequin Heartwarming is all about celebrating those relatable experiences that we cherish. Thanks for your wonderful post, Syndi!

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  4. Thanks, Karen. And I think you're right: the quiet moments are what make a marriage. Those are the glue that keep us together.

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  5. LOL, my hubby and I just celebrated ten years. We went to see Red Green, a Canadian 'guy' comedian. What an awesome night - nothing fancy, just jeans.

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    1. I'm not a fancy girl either. Jeans (at least when I can fit in them) are more my style :)

      Congrats on the ten years!

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  6. Congradulations on your anniversary. It's good to hear that there are people that are willing to work at marriage and not just throw it away when things aren't going their way... Had my husband felt this way we would have been celebrating our 23rd anniversay...but like too many, he thought the grass was greener somewhere else. I hope one day to find that man that will be happy to sit and do the mundane things with me, yes even taxes. Thanks for the inspiration!

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