Friday, February 19, 2016

Three Signs An Arranged Marriage Might Be For You by Sophia Sasson



This part 2 of my arranged marriage blog, the first one was last month and can be found here.  You’re probably thinking arranged marriages are an old fashioned notion that belong in a historical novel, or are for women from oppressed cultures far away; a woman who is told who she must marry, and has to be with some insufferable man for the rest of her life.  Since I’ve been talking about Bollywood romance in the Harlequin community this week, I’m going to use a clip from the Indian movie Veer Zaara where the heroine is being readied for her engagement to a man she doesn’t love.


This is not how modern arranged marriages work. Let's say you are looking for a serious relationship, what might you do? Make a list or complete an online form with all your requirements. Something like this:
  • Wants a serious relationship, not just a hookup.
  • Is employed full time by someone other than his father/mother/sister/dog.
  • Knows how to do laundry.
  • Etc…
You provide your list to someone, be it a friend or an online dating site, and they come up with candidates who meet your criteria. You’ve just skipped the time consuming part of figuring out whether your date is worth a second or third look. It’s an arranged relationship.


Top 3 signs an arranged marriage could be for you:
  1.  The bar scene and first date awkwardness is not your thing.
    Hate the idea of going to a bar and playing the pick up game? Or weeding through hundreds of online profiles wondering who might be a serial killer? If your friends and relatives pick him/her, you know the crazy factor is somewhat reduced.
     
  2. You don’t have time to date and waste.
    The biological clock isn’t just ticking, it’s full on clanking.  You’re an independent, mature person who wants to have children one day and would prefer it with a mate (although it’s not an absolute necessity). The last thing you need is to spend months with someone who isn’t serious about a long term commitment, or doesn’t want children.
     
  3. You have deal breakers.
    Don’t want a smoker? Hate people who spend hours watching golf? Having candidates screened ahead of time avoids that awkward moment when you realize you’ve fallen in lust with someone who has a non-negotiable habit.


Meera Malhotra, the heroine of  First Comes Marriage, meets all three criteria. She’s a physician and researcher—who has time to go out and date? She’s a traditional girl for who needs a guy that understands her values. Her major deal breaker is that she needs a man who appreciates her Indian culture. She enjoys a close relationship with her parents, her life is where they are; in London. She’s found the guy who meets all these criteria--- her childhood best friend. So what’s she to do when she meets an American cowboy who’s tied to his ranch in Hell’s Bells, Virginia?


I have a ton of free book extras on my website including a playlist of country music and Bollywood beats, recipes and more.


Best of all, I have the free prequel to First Comes Marriage. Check it out on my website.




I also have a Goodreads giveaway happening until February 22, and a Facebook giveaway until February 29th. If you miss all of these freebies, check on my website to see what I have happening.


If you live in Maryland, I’ll be doing a book signing at the Rockville Barnes and Noble on February 20th at 12:00pm. I’ll be giving out free canvas book bags to everyone who gets a book signed.
So tell me, if you are looking for a mate, do you ever get setup? And if you've already found the love of your life, tell me whether you had a non-negotiable--something you couldn't have lived with in a mate?
--Sophia

21 comments:

  1. Thank you for the great post with all the fun extras, Sophia. I could say that my marriage was arranged by our dogs! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. When I think about it, I guess my parents had an arranged marriage. My shy 33 year-old father wasn't making any moves toward finding a wife, until his sister and father put their heads together and decided that her friend and neighbor, a widow with two boys, would be perfect. She set up a double date. My parents were married for more than fifty years.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Beth, that sounds like reason number one (the idea of dating is too frightening). It's a reason a lot of people turn to online dating these days that didn't exist when your parents probably got married. And I agree with Leigh you should turn it into a book.

      Delete
  3. Interesting idea. Arranged marriages might not be a bad idea, given the divorce rate. :-) Can't wait to read First Comes Marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Interesting idea. Arranged marriages might not be a bad idea, given the divorce rate. :-) Can't wait to read First Comes Marriage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It can be great when done right but too often I think it's used to force people to make choices they're uncomfortable with.

      Delete
  5. Great post, Sophia! Very thought provoking. Thank goodness I'm already married. Dating of any kind seems terrifying to me now after twenty-some years together. Congratulations on your new release! It sounds like a really fun premise. Excited to read it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Carol! And congratulations back to you for your release, having been to Alaska, I love the setting.

      Delete
  6. I wish I still lived in Northern Virgina, Sophia, I'd love to come to your book signing. A sense of humor was my non-negotiable.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Great post, Sophia! Interesting points. Congrats on your releases. And Beth, your parents' story should be a book. Maybe a Heartwarming :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice thought. I'll keep it in mind for someday. :-)

      Delete
    2. Thanks Leigh and glad Beth is going to think about writing her parents story, seems perfect for heartwarming :)

      Delete
  8. New perspective, Sophia, on a situation I always thought was bad - except in old romances. But, if you think about it, dating websites to somewhat the same thing. Congratulations - sounds great and your cover is beautiful. I, too, had a sense of humor requirement, and a 'must love dogs' component.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Muriel, I agree with you that dating websites do a lot of online "matching."

      Delete
  9. I've been married over 20 years and thankfully I met my husband through a mutual friend, so I knew he wasn't a serial killer or crazy. My non-negotiables were deep respect for women and compassion in general.
    I love the unique plot for your book. Sounds so interesting!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Laurie, respect for women is a great requirement. So is not being a serial killer :)

      Delete
  10. I married my high school sweetheart so I got to skip all the awkward adult dating issues! I got very lucky and we have three beautiful children to show for it. Congratulations on your book release. I love all the extras you've got on your website. Good luck with the signing today and enjoy every minute of it :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Sophia, I'm so looking forward to reading First Comes Marriage. Over the years I've had a number of friends for whom marriages were arranged. Some went smoothly, as the parents had hoped, and others...well, let's just say there was conflict!

    ReplyDelete
  12. You make arranged marriages sound plausible. Nothing's perfect.

    ReplyDelete