A friend of mine is going through something we have all gone through: the search for the One. That person who will complete your life and fill it with the love you want and need. The problem is that he's dating a lot but not finding the right One.
Sure, this person fulfills some of his list of what he wants in a partner. And that one ticks off more items on that list. But he can't seem to find the One that meets all his requirements. What is he going to do?
On the advice of another mutual friend, he made a list of everything he wants in a mate. Nothing was too big or too small for the list. Then he started going through the list and eliminating items until he came up with seven things he can't live without. Things like have a job, be spiritually compatible, being honest and truthful, etc.
Now, if he meets someone online or in person, they need to meet all seven requirements or he moves on to the next one.
Similarly, I'm currently in the process of looking for a house. Using the same advice, I came up with the seven things I can't live without. It makes the house search a lot easier when I can eliminate places that don't meet what I need. I won't be wasting time looking at something I know I won't like, much less love.
And I'll follow this advice when it comes time for me to meet another man. I'll take the time to choose those seven things he must possess. Otherwise, I'll move on to the next one.
Does that mean we're being picky? Maybe. Or maybe it means we have higher standards to finding what we need.
What would be on your list of seven things you can't live without in your partner? Comment below, and I'll choose one lucky reader to receive a copy of my upcoming book, "Risk of Falling" when it releases in August.
Syndi, Thought provoking post. I can see where the list of 7 would work well when looking for a house, but I'm not sure about when looking for love. Personally I think love is spontaneous and it can strike when you really don't know 7 things about the person you fall in love with. And maybe if someone only has 6 of the points and you pass without a second glance, you may have missed the person you really could love. But that's just my humble opinion.
ReplyDeleteRoz, I guess it would depend on what those 7 attributes are. For my friend, it's things that he needs in a relationship. For me and my house search, it's things that I need to make my life easier like having a garage or allowing my two pets to go with me. Thank you for your honesty!
DeleteHi, Syndi! What a pretty cover - again! On my list would be - love of God, love of children, love of animals, love of ME, sense of humor (because there are moments when that's your only defense against life,) That's Ron in a nutshell. Hallmark aired a good movie called The List, about a woman who has had a list since childhood of what she's wanted in a husband. In the end, she chucked the list for "Must love him with all my heart." But I think there are some absolute essentials.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Muriel! I do love our covers. They are some of the best out there.
DeleteSense of humor is near the top of my own must have list! If he can't make me laugh, then I wonder if he can't laugh at himself when things get tough. And of course the love of God is important. To my friend, too.
Hi Syndi! I love the concept, however if my husband and I had lists, we wouldn't have checked off nearly enough boxes to even have that first coffee lol:) But as the other ladies said, there are some key things that I think I need to make a relationship work and they are honesty and trust. This actually reminds me of a Friends episode when Ross makes a pro/con list about two women that he is in love with and it boiled down to the fact that the other woman was 'Racheal' the love of his life:) Definitely make the list for the house though! And read Steve Harvey's book 'Think like a woman, Act like a man'-changed my outlook on men and relationships:)
ReplyDeleteJennifer, I loved that episode of "Friends" and the relationship between Ross and Rachel. They definitely had their ups and downs, didn't they? I recently read Steve Harvey's book and the follow up. I'm taking some of those ideas and putting them into my heroes as well when they interact with my heroines. I guess the thing about the list is that it isn't set in stone either. Things that are important yesterday may not be tomorrow. What I'm looking for in a house now is different that when I was searching six years ago.
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ReplyDeleteWhen I was still single, and searching, someone told me, "Tell all your friends that you're looking for someone to date." Consequently, I went on a lot of blind dates that year, and I married one (12 years next month!)
At Th.e end, the only criteria besides the - must be employed - was "I can stand to be with him 24/7." I kid you know. There were dates where I spent 20 minutes in the bathroom because I couldn't bear to be with the date any longer.
My husband is quite the opposite of the list I made, which is probably why we're good together. BTW, he'd the first guy who didn't let me be alpha. I think that was a big problem in my dating life LOL
Pamela, I may be using that advice in a few months. LOL. And I know what you mean about spending time in the bathroom to avoid a date. I'm so not looking forward to doing that again.
DeleteSyndi, This is a tough one--thought provoking--like Roz mentioned above. Sense of humor is definitely at the top of my list. Humor is my coping mechanism. (Thankfully, I live with a comedian). A few others are honesty, loyalty and patience (with me in particular(: And a love of animals would be a deal breaker! Good luck house hunting!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Carol! My list would also include honesty, loyalty and patience as well as sense of humor. If I can't trust the person I'm with then why be with him?
DeleteLOVE your cover!!! I want that book now, Syndi! Your blog strikes a note with me because my Sept HW, SOMEONE LIKE YOU, is about a girl who develops an app so that singles can input their list of 'musts' for the perfect match and be able to interface it with someone with the same app to get a 'compatibility score'- eliminates so much time wasted in figuring out if you are right for each other! so-- you can see that I'm all on board with the list thing! My list would be:
ReplyDelete1. Honest
2. Caring
3. Unselfish
4. Moral
5. Fun/funny
6. Patient/doesn't lose temper
7. Intelligent
8. Physically attractive to me (doesn't mean he's a model- just I think he's cute)
9. Giving
10. Active- interested in doing things beyond watching sports.
Okay- the recipe for the perfect guy for me!
Another great post, Syndi :)
That's such a unique, interesting plot for your Sept release Karen! I can't wait to read it:)
DeleteKaren, love the new plot! You know I'll be buying that one. My friend would definitely agree with our heroine :)
DeleteThis is nice!! I can't live without these 7 things in a partner:
ReplyDelete1. Love of God
2. Integrity
3. Honesty
4. Loyalty
5. Compassionate
6. Respects women
7. A good provider (willing to work to provide for his family)
These are the ones that readily came to mind, but I know there are some others too. I like your book cover and title. Glad I decided to stop by the blog today.
Great list, Laurie! Those are definitely important. Thanks for stopping by!
DeleteMy husband's grandmother (who had--at her passing--126 grandchildren; good Irish Catholics!) once said that if she went into a room and her husband wasn't there, the room was empty. I think that's probably enough of a list for me. This was a fun post.
ReplyDeleteAwww, Liz, I love that.
DeleteLaurie, you're the winner of my book! You can email your address to me at syndipowell@yahoo.com, and I will send it out as soon as it comes out.
ReplyDelete