This summer has been a time of examination and reflection for me. It hasn't been pretty or easy, but it's been necessary for me in order for me to move forward with my life. Am I still the independent person that I thought I was? Do I have the self confidence to follow my path or be daring to become a trailblazer and create a new one? Who do I think I really am?
Here are some things I've learned the not so easy way about myself:
1. I crave routine. As much as I'd like to think of myself as spontaneous, I respond more positively to having a routine and sticking to it.
2. A change in my plans makes me cranky at first. But if I zig when I planned to zag, some times I end up with a better result.
3. Writing is not as easy as I once thought. In fact, lately it's been a chore. I used to enjoy the creation of a story, but I find myself struggling to find the words. The blank computer screen mocks me as does my daily word goal.
4. I enjoy my independence. I gave some of that up when I got married, but now that I'm single again I like being the maker of my own destiny.
5. Family is still important. Relationships come and go, but my family will always be there. I recently enjoyed lunch out with my sisters. We had a great time catching up and laughing about the smallest things like sisters do.
6. I am still Syndi. I still act goofy at times. I'm still smart and funny. I'm strong and independent and able to overcome my obstacles.
If I were a character in a novel, I'd be in the middle of my story. The inciting event (my divorce) behind me and my goal (self discovery) ahead of me. My ending hasn't been written yet, but I'm eager to see where my story will take me.
What has this summer been for you? Who do you think you are???
Hugs and bravos on the reinvention journey. It's certainly not something that comes easily, regardless of when it happens, but I hope it ends with you in a happy place.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Liz. I'm already heading to that happier place.
DeleteSyndi you are the perfect heroine to me, strong, caring, and open to the possibilities ahead of you. You are at the start of a great love story- with yourself. You are discovering all of the wonderful things (such as the ones you listed) that make you the special person you are. A partner will come, but the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself and your are well on your way to a Happily-Ever-After :)
ReplyDeleteKaren, yes I am on my way! I wouldn't have believed that about 3 months ago, but every day makes me stronger.
DeleteSyndi, having a little understanding of the challenges you have faced over the past year, I am so impressed by your positive attitude, and wish you all the best for your path of self-discovery and finding your happily-ever-after!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kate.
DeleteI so recognize where you are.I had been married all my life when my husband died. I was 52 and didn't know who I was. In the last 17 years I've discovered who I am and what I want. I've become published. I travel. And, like you, I've discovered I like the single life--I must; I've been dating the same guy for 15 years. lol
ReplyDeleteWishing you the best on your path!
Thank you, Patricia. I wish you the best on your path as well. It sounds like you're making a wonderful life!
DeleteSyndi, I admire your dig-in-and-figure-me-out self reflection. Life changes sap your creative energy, but you write so beautifully and that will come back. The things you have discovered and feel say that you're on the road to getting back to your old self. Whoever termed it the "rocky road of life" was so correct. Some things feel like boulders. You'll get around them. Keep on keeping on.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Roz. I'm working on that keeping on. Some days are easier than others, and thankfully the hard days are getting fewer.
DeleteSyndi, what a wonderful, heart-felt post. Thanks for sharing. Life is so crazy sometimes...you just go along day by day and everything seems fine and then all of a sudden BOOM--something happens that throws you for a loop (or ten) and you can't imagine how you'll ever get back on track. But you will and you do--even if that track is a little different than the one you started out on!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Carol. You're right about landing on a different track than the one I'd been planning on. But this one will lead me to my happiness eventually.
DeleteSyndi - Good going! No wallowing, no casting blame, no self-recrimination - just forward movement. That's the only thing that gets us anywhere. I think because writing romance is all about emotion, we're victims of our personal emotions in times of stress. What we're feeling sits right on top of the stuff we have to get at to find the right words and make the story happen. When you're finally able to find the 'flow,' I'll bet your heroine will tap into what you've been through to bring herself to life. Right now, you're the heroine!
ReplyDeleteAww, thanks, Muriel. I do keep reminding myself that what I'm feeling and experiencing now will make great stuff for a book later.
DeleteLove your introspection. I don't know where you're headed, but I can tell it's going to be somewhere fabulous! You have a great head on your shoulders and life is full of possibilities. Good luck :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Amy. I do feel like I have a bit of a do-over going on right now.
DeleteGood luck to you dealing with a new "free" life. You'll do fine.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Marion!
DeleteSyndi-I know exactly what you mean and as someone who's been through it Twice-ahhh!-life will get better, easier:) big hug!
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DeleteThanks for the hug, Jennifer. I'm sending one right back at ya!
DeleteSyndi--Trying to create can be very, very hard in times of change and/or stress. Be kind to yourself!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kristine. I find it easier to be kind to others rather than myself. But I'm learning....
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