The past few years have seen a lot of changes for me, both
good and bad. I left the corporate world to write full-time from home. I got
married. I sold my house (which I loved) and moved into my husband’s house
(which I don’t love). My daughter relocated to another state because of her
job. My mother moved from her home of thirty-four years into a senior living
community. Two surgeries in the past year have wreaked havoc with my schedule
and required me to put in months and months of physical therapy. But the
biggest change for me, and that’s only because it affects me on a daily basis,
is my husband’s work schedule. Seriously, he’s driving me crazy!
As I mentioned above, I’m a creature of habit. I have a
routine that’s worked well for many, many years. I’m a morning writer. I feel
freshest in the a.m. hours when my creativity is at its peak. I like to get up,
putter around the house for a bit, feed the pets, get my caffeine infusion, and soon after
that plant myself in my chair and start writing. This works well for me because
I tend to slow down in the afternoon, suffering a serious energy dip around
3:00. While I can manage a short burst in the late afternoon, by evening my
mind is mush and I’m ready to relax a while before bed.
Here’s the problem with my husband (and truly he’s a
wonderful guy with few faults). His schedule is constantly changing. When we
were first dating, it changed every six months. Then, a year ago, he was
promoted to a brand new position. Great, right? Yeah, except now his schedule
differs literally from one moment to the next. He may start early today and late
tomorrow. This week, his shift is four 10-hour days, next week his shift is five
8-hour days. He’ll go in Monday through Thursday in October and Tuesday through
Saturday in November.
Argh! I have no time to adjust before the next change. Do I wait and have dinner with him at 9 p.m. or eat early and feed him leftovers? Get up with him at 4:30 in the morning or sleep in to a more reasonable hour? Plans are impossible to make until the last minute because who knows if he’ll be scheduled that day or not? Worst of all, there are days when he’s around and under foot during my preferred writing time. I’ll be typing away and he’ll suddenly wander into my office, sit in the chair and stare at me. When I ask what he wants, he replies, “Oh, just checking in on you.” By then, my concentration is completely shot. I don’t mean to complain, but for those of us who suffer from mild OCD, being in a constant state of flux is a form or torture.
Argh! I have no time to adjust before the next change. Do I wait and have dinner with him at 9 p.m. or eat early and feed him leftovers? Get up with him at 4:30 in the morning or sleep in to a more reasonable hour? Plans are impossible to make until the last minute because who knows if he’ll be scheduled that day or not? Worst of all, there are days when he’s around and under foot during my preferred writing time. I’ll be typing away and he’ll suddenly wander into my office, sit in the chair and stare at me. When I ask what he wants, he replies, “Oh, just checking in on you.” By then, my concentration is completely shot. I don’t mean to complain, but for those of us who suffer from mild OCD, being in a constant state of flux is a form or torture.
Tell me, how
do you adjust to change? I’m open to any suggestions as I’m seeing more changes
in the near future – he recently mentioned the possibility of some short work trips
coming up.
Warmest wishes,
Cathy McDavid
In the third grade, NY Times and USA Today best-selling author Cathy McDavid made it her goal to read every Black Stallion book ever written. Who knew such an illustrious ambition would eventually lead to a lifelong love of all things western and a career writing contemporary romances for Harlequin? With over 1.3 million books sold, Cathy is also a member of the prestigious Romance Writers of America’s Honor Roll. An “almost” Arizona native, she lives with her own real-life sweetheart and spends her days penning stories about good looking cowboys riding the range, busting a bronc, and sweeping gals off their feet. It a tough job, but she’s willing to make the sacrifice.
Our schedule in retirement is pretty much a non-schedule, which is what we wanted, but it can certainly create a slew of difficulties! I enjoyed your post.
ReplyDeleteI understand totally, although at first my husband's schedule changed week by week, days, swing, graveyard. I worked, too, so wrote midnight to three a.m. Then he retired and did exactly what you mentioned, came to my office door and stood until I asked what he needed, only to say he wanted to know if I needed anything. I found him a part-time job and that worked really well for us as he worked mornings and that became my productive time. I hope you make it all work out, and I'm sure you will as that's what creative women do.
ReplyDeleteRoz, I dread the day Mike retires for just the reason you mentioned. I've brought up him working part-time when retirement comes but he's convinced he wants to not work for a while. Aaaaaayyyyy!
DeleteOh boy, that's tough. Maybe stick to your own schedule during the week and accommodate his on the weekend? Or close your office door signaling no interruptions until you're ready then you can check in with him when you are!
ReplyDeleteAm going to have to try the sign on office door. He's off on vacation this holiday week and already constantly shadowing me.
DeleteI figure knocked-about schedules are part of the job. Think of your husband as a mini-deadline. "I must write 200 words before his next interruption." Best!
ReplyDeleteFunny!!!
DeleteHi, Cathy, I'm a morning writer, too, so I can understand your dilemma. Maybe your husband could have a special home project he works on while you're writing?
ReplyDeleteSometimes I take off and go to the coffee shop for while. Not my favorite but works in a pinch!
DeleteThat would be tough. How do you get on a sleeping/eating schedule? I've found writing much tougher since my husband retired. He doesn't seem to understand that staring into space means I'm working, and he shouldn't start a conversation.
ReplyDeleteI agree, Beth. I can't constantly change my sleeping schedule. I feel drained.
DeleteBoy, am I glad I live alone. :-) I can't write with anyone in the house, so therefore I doubt I'll ever marry again. lol I figure he just doesn't understand how a writer works. And unfortunately, that probably will never change. I don't think husbands and a lot of time, other members of the family, see writing as a 'real' job, so therefore it's okay to 'visit' while you're writing.
ReplyDeleteThis is tough, Cathy. I'm not big on change. I feel bad for your husband. I like my routine and having my day job hours changing constantly would drive me crazy. Hopefully there's a happy medium for both of you. Keep us posted. :)
ReplyDeleteI think change can be good unless it disrupts my peace. Sometimes things change and I benefit, and then I don’t mind it, lol. I can relate a little to what you mean with your husband’s schedule vs. yours. My husband is NOT a morning person. I feel more creative mentally in the morning. When he’s ready to go out or whatever, I’m ready to turn in. I’m not a writer so it doesn’t interfere with anything important, but I can see how it would rattle you. Maybe eventually his schedule will work out for both of you. ( :
ReplyDeleteTeach your husband to write. Give him an office area. I'm fortunate in that SWOMBO (She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed) does my editing. She has her own business office in our house. We are both deaf largely because we spent sixty years yelling at each other. With our hearing aids off, it makes for a quiet atmosphere. Lately, she has taken up writing her memoirs and I've been learning to cook (and clean up the counter) (She gave me a spatula for Father's Day!). I can stir-fry and make tuna salad. Today, she's going to teach me about roasting veggies for our part in our daughter's Thanksgiving. Daughter is having twenty-one family members. We are both retired. She sleeps late (when possible) and my writing starts at 0430. I have two quiet hours to write. Yesterday, we spent the afternoon editing 350 pages of our third novel. We had hot tea together. This is our first tea of the season as Tucson's temp dropped to cool. (The doctor has taken us off coffee.) Write letters to your spouses telling them how much you appreciate them. Your blogs are stimulating. Happy Thanksgiving!
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