BACK TO ROMANCE by Syndi Powell
The edits on my July 2018 book, Finding Her Family, was brutal. And not because my editor was wrong, but because she was so right. Her biggest complaint was that there was no romance in a novel that was supposed to be one. Sure, I had some romantic moments, but I hadn't seeded the romance through the beginning of the story to see the bloom of love by the end.
So this got me thinking. About romance. Love. And Life with the big L. What is it about romance that makes us seek it in our books and our lives? Passion is part of it. Who doesn't like feeling that thrill of a first kiss or touch? The anticipation leading up to that moment is both agony and pleasure. But I believe it is the innate need for connection in relationships that makes us pursue romance.
We crave connection with others. The psychologist, Abraham Maslow, but the need for belonging and love just after those of physical safety and security. As humans, we need to belong to a family or group, to give and receive love, to be accepted and understood. Romance is part of all that.
Since my divorce, I'll admit that I've looked at romance with a skeptical eye. I enjoyed the idea of marriage while I was in the relationship, but the thought of meeting men and pursuing something with them gives me pause. A lot of pause. As in, not only am I not looking, but I'm avoiding situations that might put someone in my path.
Has that affected my writing romance? Based on my editor's recent comments, it probably has at least in a small part. Knowing that my writing career depends on romance, I've started a re-education on love. I'm reading a variety of romance novels (some by my writer friends *waving*). I'm watching romance films as well as romantic comedies. I'm observing the relationships of friends and families. And then analyzing what I read and see.
What have I discovered? Romance isn't always hearts and flowers. Sometimes, it's holding the hand of the person you love because they are hurting and words can't heal at that moment. Other times, it's giving up something you want so that they can have what they need. It's holding hands in the car while you drive, buying their favorite chocolate, and sharing your day over dinner.Yes, romance can be big gestures; but to keep a relationship going, you need those small moments on a regular basis. It's about those basic needs: connection, acceptance, and love. It's about being there and present. And romance can be found everywhere if you're looking for it.
I'm still not looking for my own romance, but I'm more open to the idea than I was. When the timing is right, I'll be ready. In the meantime, I'm continuing my romance re-education.
What have you discovered about romance? What things in a romance novel or film make you sigh and swoon?
On a side note, for those who have read my recent novel, Healing Hearts, you might recall that my heroine April purchases a orange sherbet- colored bike. At work the other idea, I saw the bike below and thought of her. Life sometimes imitates art.
A very thoughtful and appropriate reflection on romance and love, Syndi, for all of us who read and write romance. As social beings, we humans definitely need and crave love. And you are so right when you say that romance doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. I think of it as the kindling for the fire of love (excuse the cheesey metaphor!), helping it burn stronger whenever it starts to fade. All the best in love and romance!
ReplyDeleteI have a hard time writing the mushy scenes when I'm mad at my spouse, so I can only imagine how difficult that is when you're divorced and hesitant to face that kind of hurt again. I hope both you and your writing can find a HEA at the right time.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! My problem in my new book was conflict. And, yes, my editor was right too. Ah, about those small gestures: The other day my husband came home with a single container for me of the yogurt I love but don't allow myself to buy because it's too rich. What a guy...💕
ReplyDeleteThanks for the post--I think romance in general, not our books, became defined in a hearts and flowers kind of way and then relationships are measured by that definition. I suspect almost no one is a perfect match for that box. Or, put another way, any guy can do up a fine Valentine's Day, but it's what happens on the 13th and the 15th that count.
ReplyDeleteI took a white water raft trip once. A young couple sat in the back. One bump and the girl flipped over backwards into the water. Quick as lightning her boyfriend snatched her vest and lifted her back into the boat. I was so impressed with his quick action. That's a guy who's in tune with his lady.
ReplyDeleteI believe everyone in some way is looking for love. That's why I wonder why a plethora of folks denigrate romance novels or movies. Maybe they think they are independent and don't need support or love from anyone. I just don't believe it's true. Your book sounds very real and true to life. Hope good things are in your future.
ReplyDeleteSyndi, don't shy from putting yourself in the path of potential love. Dating after divorce is hard. Really hard. But you never know where you'll meet someone. Take it from someone who after being single for eight years met the right guy at an unexpected time and recently celebrated a first anniversary :) Now, did that help me write romance? Not sure, I just got back edits on my book and my editor also wanted me to beef up the romance - hee, hee.
ReplyDeleteI once asked my mom, the most unromantic person I know, what love is. She said it's that feeling who have for someone you can't walk away from. Our stories are all about people who really, really would like to turn their backs on the other but can't, and in that realization, find love. So, yeah, Syndi, just keep walking away from love until you can't anymore. I am aware I've described love as if it's quicksand. *wink*
ReplyDeleteYou're right about the little gestures. I see an older couple at church, and he'll rest his hand on her back in a little caress when he bends down to talk with her. The sweetest part is knowing he's been doing that for fifty years or so.
ReplyDeleteA wonderful post and a good reminder that it is indeed the little things. I hope you're finding happy.
ReplyDeleteHaving been married just under 24 years to a wonderful man, I’d have to say romance in my case is some of those little things you mentioned. We always hold hands, we always do things together, we talk (actually, I do most of the talking, LOL), but my husband always listens. He opens doors for me, rubs my back and makes sure I’m taken care of materially, physically, emotionally and spiritually, to the best of his ability. He doesn’t raise his voice to me, and he’s compassionate, forgiving and loving. My daughter thinks we’re unusual, and I might have to agree with her because we are truly best friends and are rarely apart. Those are the things I like to see or read about. Couples with a unique connection. It still exists, and it’s a wonderful thing. ( :
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