Take Me to the Water by Cheryl Harper

When I am sitting on the freeway trying to make my commute home in the afternoon, sometimes I check the temperature reading on my car. I try to avoid this because it will instantly send me into meltdown, no matter how well the air conditioning is functioning. It's hot. I hate it. I want to be somewhere else. This is my normal June-July-August-September setting. I hope the weather where you are is better.

I made the mistake of checking the weather forecast. I hate that, too. These are the times when I consider wild ideas of becoming a nomad, roaming wherever a high of about 80 will take me year round.

I think this is harder this year because there's no travel. Normally, I have a temporary escape in this summer window, but this year with *everything*, I'll be staying here. Always here.

And I've decided that it should be illegal to sell homes in this climate without nice pools. I'm going to make that my political platform when I run for Grand Poobah. Fred Flintstone better watch out. (Have I lost every one of you? The Flintstones? Loyal Order of the Water Buffalo? Never mind.)

While I'm sitting in traffic, sometimes this hymn plays in my head. "Take me to the water, take me to the water, take me to the water..." And because I contain multitudes, so does Alan Jackson's "Way down yonder on the Chattahoochee, it gets hotter than a hoochie coochie...".

This is how I'm coping with summer:
1. Complaining.
2. Drinking water.
3. Cruising Amazon's above-ground pool selection before turning away in despair because I know they would only bring heartache and lukewarm water.
4. Singing to myself and occasionally picturing how happy I would be with a cement pond. (The Clampetts? Beverly Hillbillies? I'm really bringing the current references this time, right?)

I hope wherever you are, you have good air conditioning and cool water.

Here's a picture of me in my dreams:



Comments

  1. Just got back from a camping trip in the Rockies. First night was a low of 6 degrees Celsius. Wore thick socks and hoodies, and drank tea in the morning. Climbed up to gorgeous subalpine meadows but the sharp, cold wind and occasional spatter of rain kept it all very real. (We were at the same altitude as the glaciers.) There were a few hottish hikes but we could dip our feet into cold, mountain creeks. I couldn't take the heat, Cheryl. May you soon get days of cool rain!

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    1. I'll never forget the summer RWA was in Denver. On the last day, I drove up Pike's Peak. At a certain point, you get out and get in vans to make it to the top, and the temperature difference was amazing!!! Putting Colorado on my list of new homes...

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  2. I live in Florida so I feel your pain! Thanks for a good laugh.

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    1. YES! Florida may have Arkansas beat, but it's a competition no one wants to win, Tara!

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  3. "1. Complaining" - I laughed. I cope with summer by drinking a LOT of iced tea. I don't go anywhere without a large glass. Our air conditioning went out last summer and we just had it fixed last week. Oh joy of joys, was I thrilled!

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    1. I'm glad. I figure if I'm going to complain, I should at least be funny about it. So glad your AC is working!

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  4. I treat those beastly hot summer days the same way I treat a cold--as a vicious insult. How dare a hot a day or a cold bother me like this? I'm told that as a child I blamed the weatherman, and they were men when I was a kid, for all bad weather. I took it personally, so I guess I still have some growing up to do. Thanks for giving me an outlet!

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    1. It is an insult. We should not accept it. Send it back! My weatherman complains more than I do, and daydreams of snow, so I've called him an ally, but he's also useless.

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  5. I don't complain about the weather. I love the change in seasons. I like both the hot and the cold, but my preference is temperate (a word I learned in the 3rd grade). When it's hot, I have the air conditioner on, but it doesn't keep me from going places if I need to. Before the Pandemic, I would go shopping and only think that I was moving from one air conditioned place to another. Also, I play tennis every day, so the temperature is what it is. I can't change it. I drink plenty of water and if the humidity is high, I make sure to use cool down methods while out in the sun.

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  6. Flintstones and Beverly Hillbillies! A girl after my own heart. It's sunny here in Anchorage today with an expected high of 68 and sunset at 11:21. (The days are already getting shorter, sigh.) The goslings and ducklings in the park across the street are growing so fast you can almost see it. In another month, it will probably be raining everyday, but right now it's perfect.

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    1. How do you feel about squatters, Beth? I mean, I have no real skills, but Jack is cute.

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  7. You don't want a pool. We had one growing up and you spent a lot of time not in it treating with the right mix of stuff to keep it clear of crud or standing on the edge scooping stuff like leaves out, the skimmer only does so much. By the time you got all the treatment and cleaning done it didn't seem nearly as relaxing! For what it's worth, I loved your references. We must be of an age......

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    1. What I really want is a pool AND a pool man to take care of it. Alas...

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  8. Love the Flintstones and Beverly Hillbillies--watched the originals of both. lol. As for the temps, not sure where you are, but it's in the 90s here with 100% humidity. But I'm not complaining...not after I complained loudly and long about the cold this winter. lol

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    1. It's Arkansas. I gloat a lot in January when we have the beautiful 60-degree days, but summer is a struggle with the heat and humidity. I can suffer nobly through the short stretches (or so I tell myself).

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  9. I feel you on the heat. We're in Grenada, and it's hot and humid, with fairly regular Sahara dust to add to the fun. No AC on the boat, but we can swim. For whatever reason, the water is cooler here than it was in St. Martin, north of here.

    We're also stuck, with few places to move to. But with only 23 cases of Covid on the island, and none of them within the last 45 days, it could be much worse...

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    1. Kim, this is such an amazing life! I admire it so much! I would definitely require air conditioning. Covid is running wild here, so please stay where you are safe and enjoy the cool water for me.

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  10. Me and heat do not get along either. I feel your pain because it’s in the 90’s here as well.
    As far as everything else you said...😂😂

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  11. I didn't know what humidity was before I visited D.C. for the first time...over ninety and pouring down rain. Then I moved to a place with that kind of weather. I feel like I'm melting....

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